This is just another blog dedicated to a typical 20-something girl who is trying to figure life out and making resolutions to "live life to the fullest" and "be healthier" and "travel more," this year. Everyone knows a girl like that, and a large portion of our society IS a girl like that. But it's January 12th of 2015, 12 days into this new year, and I'm still pretty motivated to follow my dreams and achieve some goals so I thought, "fuck it. Let's document it." This is where I introduce myself and try to make myself seem like I'm different from every other 24-year-old post-grad who thought that getting a degree meant all of my dreams would come true and I would live in a magical land full of money and a hot husband and a mansion that I came home to after working at my dream job.

Well... the truth is I'm not much different from those other 24-year-olds. Except that somewhere along the way I accepted that the kind of work I want to do means I'll never be swimming in money. And somewhere along that same way I came to the conclusion that I would never have a hot husband because I am, in fact, very gay. So maybe a hot wife is in my near future (doubtful). So- here are the major details.

I'm 24. I graduated from college two years ago, with a degree in Hospitality and Tourism Management (I don't know why the fuck I ever thought I wanted to be a corporate meeting planner, but that ship has sailed). I live in the beautiful mountains of Western NC, in Asheville. Beer City, baby and yes I'm a fucking beer snob- sue me (just kidding I still drink forties of high life duct taped to my hand). I work two jobs because did you know that Asheville is the most expensive city to live in, in the state of North Carolina? Well, it is. Both of those jobs are in social work. Did you also know, that social work is one of the shittiest paying, most thankless jobs on the planet? Yeah. I work in two different treatment facilities, mending and attempting to educate the minds of young girls who are very much wayward souls. Suicide, depression, self-harm, drug abuse, sexuality, trauma, PTSD- the good stuff. I realized when I was in college that it is my sole purpose in life, to live by saving others. Helping rather, because as the saying goes "you can't save others. You can only help them." Or something like that.

I am gay as fuck. I wish I had some dramatic story to tell you like, I've known I was gay since I had a crush on my first grade teacher and then I kept it a secret all through high school until I fell madly in love with this girl and came out to my family and my parents disowned me and I was broken until I became a crusader for LGBT rights. But the reality of it is: I "liked" dudes until I was a senior in college. Then I fell like some mad shit head over heels in love with this trifling ass, lying ass, cheating ass, FINE ASS tomboy femme who ruined my life. I told my family and friends and they were all like, cool right on. And the rest is history. Every lesbian has that story. The story of the girl (usually their first serious girlfriend) who they fall madly in love with and want to marry and have sex with every second of the day and think it's so perfect until that girl fucks them over but they love her so much that they just keep letting her fuck them over until their heart is completely fucked to a bloody, raw, ground up bruised hunk of meat that could not possibly love anything else ever again. And they lay in bed listening to Tegan and Sara and watching reruns of The L Word and life will never be the same.

Until girl number two comes along and the cycle starts all over again. I won't dwell on my relationship with the demon tomboy femme, I will just leave it at this: We dated for two years. She was unfaithful and dishonest for the entire time. We broke up last April. And I am just now to the point where I am healed and moved on (thanks largely in part to the song "I Don't Fuck With You"). I learned a lot from my relationship (relationSHIT?) with her.

Apart from that, I guess I'm just normal. I'm obsessed with music to the point that it is unhealthy. I am feeling incredibly uncomfortable because I am currently typing this at work, sitting in a room with a girl who is on suicide-watch, and cannot listen to music. I might be on suicide-watch too if I have to stay in here much longer without a song or two. I am constantly seeking to better myself and saying oh yeah I'm gonna do this and that and this too, and then allowing myself to settle in the humdrum routine of a mediocre life.

But here's the thing:
I don't want to be mediocre. I was not born to be mediocre.
There are billions of humans in this world, and 99.6% of them die without being anything but just another body that took up space and procreated. That shit is for the birds, man. I'm not saying I'm the next living legend. I'm not saying I'm Ghandi or Michael Jordan, but I am saying that I am not here to be mediocre.

Thus... 2015. This year marks my 25th year of living. Recently I have become obsessed with the idea that people die. Like.... think about that. Every single fucking person you know or have ever known or ever look at or walk by or sit next to- WILL be dead within the next 100 years or so. That shit is mind blowing, isn't it? It terrifies me. So I have made a commitment to myself to truly live my life to the fullest capacity that I can.

I've got a few things that are helping me with this journey:
1. a Passion Planner (if you haven't heard of them, go to this link now and let that shit change your life: http://www.passionplanner.com/)
2. Faith. Yes I'm a gay Christian. I love God, and He loves my gay ass. Let's leave it at that.
3. Will Power.

I've set goals and shit for myself countless times. But this time, it's different. I swear it is. I've got my passion planner by my side, and it has already helped me map out my goals and make them into tiny, more achievable/less overwhelming goals. In the two weeks that this year has been a thing, I've already done so many things that I hadn't done in December of last year. I just want this motivation to stay because it is too fucking real right now.

Things you can expect to find on this blog:

Rants about my hopeless love life; my journey through faith as I build my relationship with God; my discovery of inner peace through meditation, mindfulness and yoga; my fitness journey because I'm kickin ass this year; my attempts to do new things and mark items off of my 2015 bucket list; and just random shit that has to do with my too-typical-but-not-mediocre 25th year of life.

Join me, if you want. I'm funny as fuck.